I Am Friends With Sluts

bonercityusapodcast : > Behold, true cinematic excellence from The Danish & O’Neill > .

https://iamfriendswithsluts.tumblr.com/post/46345422005

lookhowbadiparkeddotcom : > Reblog this photo and get a free 5-pack of these stickers.  >  > (Just shoot us an “ask” message and we’ll hook you up.)

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ALTHOUGH IT COULDN’T REALLY BE CONSIDERED A “DATE RAPE” PER SE, ALL OF HER FRIENDS THOUGHT THAT IT WAS RATHER RUDE OF THE CUP MONSTER TO JERK OFF AND EJACULATE ALL OVER VANESSA AFTER SHE HA...

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SURE, FROM THAT ANGLE IT APPEARS THAT KELLY IS WINNING BECAUSE SHE IS ON TOP. HOWEVER, IF YOU LOOK MORE CLOSELY YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THAT I AM GIVING HER DOUBLE TOEJAM ATHLETE’S VAGINA THROUGH...

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THIS PHOTO IS A VERITABLE BENETTON AD OF NON-PAYING CHILD SUPPORT OFFENDERS.

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DID YOU KNOW THAT IN VENDING MACHINES IN JAPAN THAT THEY SELL BELT BUCKLES THAT LOOK JUST LIKE SKANKY ASIAN CHICKS IN CUTOFF DENIM SKIRTS? WELL, THEY DO!

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IT’S PRETTY SAD THAT THE TWO MOST HYGIENIC THINGS VISIBLE IN THIS PHOTOGRAPH ARE THIS THIS GIRL’S BAD HEPATITIC PRISON TATTOOS AND THE GAY GUY IN HIS UNDERWEAR WEARING A PURPLE SCARF.

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THEN SOFIA AND CAITLIN TOUCHED TONGUES AND CROSSED THEIR LIP SHANKER STD STREAMS GHOSTBUSTERS-STYLE, EXPLODED INTO A THOUSAND POINTS OF BRILLIANT LIGHT AND WERE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD FROM AGAIN.

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WE’RE STANDING WHERE I JUST PEED.

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ALTHOUGH ENRIQUE PROMISED ELIANA THAT HE WOULD LOVE HER FOREVER AND EVER, SEVEN SECONDS AFTER THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN HE CLIMAXED, WIPED HIMSELF OFF ON THE BACK HER BLACK FRILLY SKIRT AND MELTED B...

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THE ONLY THING SEXY ABOUT THIS PHOTO IS THE FACT THAT THIS CHICK IS MOST LIKELY MENTALLY HANDICAPPED AND WOULD THEREFORE GIVE HANDJOBS THAT INCORPORATED HER INCREDIBLE RETARD STRENGTH.

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TECHNICALLY CRYSTAL WON THE BET BY PICKING UP THE ENTIRE UPSIDE DOWN WINE BOTTLE WITHOUT USING HER HANDS. BUT, IN THE GRANDER SCHEME OF THINGS SHE ALSO KIND OF LOST. Y'KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

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JUST HANGING OUT HERE IN THE BAHAMAS WAITING FOR A JAMES BOND TO COME ALONG WITH REALLY LOW STANDARDS AND A FETISH FOR DUMPY TITS AND ASSES.

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THEN MOM AND AUNT CAROLINE GOT WASTED AT MY CHUCK E. CHEESE BIRTHDAY PARTY AND TOOK TURNS SUCKING HER BOYFRIEND HECTOR’S BONER THROUGH HIS JEANS AND GETTING AIR-HUMPED DOGGIE STYLE BY UNCLE KEN...

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ALTHOUGH THEY OFTEN SMELL LIKE A HEARTY BEER SHIT MICROWAVED INSIDE A RANCID SARDINE CAN, MY QUEEFS ALSO GIVE ME A THREE-AND-A-HALF FOOT VERTICAL LEAP. AND I WOULDN’T TRADE THEM FOR THE WORLD.

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HERE’S TO HOPING THAT MY GIANT SAILOR TITTIES WILL TAKE THE FOCUS OFF OF THE GUNT AND FUPA THAT THE THREE PAIRS OF SPANX THAT I’M WEARING ARE BARELY HOLDING IN.

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We Have A New Facebook Page

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AND THAT’S THE STORY OF HOW I GOT ATHLETE’S VAGINA.

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The. Total. Package.

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Sometimes enough can’t be said about the understated elegance of an outfit made entirely out of bath mats. Sexy bath mats.

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