Ye: “You can’t be on TV saying we don’t chill with them. Or talk about their marriage. They hate me now, my life is over, I like double dates, I wanted double dates–” Kim: “We just...
“What am I doing during my only free time? Oh, just renting a taxi to surprise Mr. West. He’s been down lately since we haven’t seen him in a few weeks, or attend his wedding, or invite hi...
*SOFTLY* “Imma ask again. Could you just hold my hand? I can’t do elevators anymo–” “Boy, if you don’t hush. We have two more floors, we’ll be out soon.”
“I just said our baby’s name and North West’s in the same sentence. It sounded like a New England Patriot’s offensive play. What have we done?”
“Listen. I’m grateful for my friendship with Justin. I cherish it. And I’m truly proud of the work we’ve been doing together.‘Suit & Tie?’ Great track. 'Holy Grail?’ Fucking divine...
“Yes. FULL STOP. I’ve heard.”
“It happened, Jay. It happened just as I dreamed it would happen. Kim is humongous. She’s huge. I know, I know… I sound like a soulless contributor to a cultural discourse that publicly and...
“This is not my clique. I don’t love these humans. I love the Knowles-Carters. I miss the shit out of them. I watched Bey on the Super Bowl the other night and it was the first time I’d see...
“A storm is coming… Kardashian spawn. She has been planning this for– for– I mean, she couldn’t even give poor Blue one motherfucking year in the spotlight before she– ugh. And it�...
Jay and Bey have this game they like to play with me when they go on vacation. They don’t like to tell which hotel room they’re staying in, HAHAHA. Bunch of clowns. They always call and say s...
“I had so many missed calls from Kanye today that I had to put my phone on airplane mode. I can’t– I can’t, anymore. I just cannot do this. I couldn’t find the strength to get out of my...
“JAY! Stop the show. I think I forgot to feed my Tamagotchi.” “fool, if you don’t keep rapping… I’ll hit RESET on that shit.”
“George Bush doesn’t care about black people…” -Kanye West “Jay, this is a Youtube CLASSIC. It tops ’Scarlet Takes’ a Tumble AND ’Charlie Bit My Finger.”
“Jay. It’s so amazing how he can entertain himself for hours and hours… just by rolling around in his gold doubloons and thinking of words that rhyme with Maybach.”
“I’m working on a new track with Suri Cruise. Beyonce wants me to sample some tracks since…Baby blue? Baby shoe? Baby J-Crew? has started to hum. To be honest, Baby View, sounded a little ...
“Bey, I just got a text from Kanye.” “Don’t open it…” “He said, ‘Still battling for custody of my inner child. The judges won’t help me, Kim don’t understand, and I nee...
“We hadn’t heard from Ye in about a week, and so we went over to his house– just, you know, just to make sure everything was cool, everything was kosher… No one was home, but, um, we know...
“Baby Blue is gonna love these gifts Kim. You are so thoughtful.” “Ye, regifting my wedding gifts is nothing. There are so many, even after my mom took all the stuff she liked. And this g...
“Kim, before this ride starts, I wanted to say I noticed you only had 10 copies of Watch The Throne. If you commit to buying 151 more copies, I will instruct the employees to fastening your se...
“…This was waiting for us in our mailbox this morning. And, to us, you know, this is- this is, like, the equivalent of waking up to a motherfuckin’ horse’s head in our bed. Our troubled, ...